Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
