dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
