someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
