ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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