Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize