it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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