I wish I could teleport
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
