so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
