hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize