The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
