Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
