Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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