I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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