by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
