im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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