She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize