So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Who put my cat in the fridge?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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