I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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