Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
