And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
