totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
