I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
