So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
