You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
