Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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