So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
