areolas are like halos for boobs.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
