Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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