My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
