Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
