"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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