A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
ugly people sure do ruin things
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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