theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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