Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
