Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
