I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am available for nakedness
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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