Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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