Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
