That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
