so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
