Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
