I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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