i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
