doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
