I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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