With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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