i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize