my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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