I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
