The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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