I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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