I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
