thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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