Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
