I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
operation have a gay friend backfired
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
