I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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