Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
