Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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