If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
