I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize