Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
