Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
