Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
