the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
