I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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