whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
accomplished twins. life is a go
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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