Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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