Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
