i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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