Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
