Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize