im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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