I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
