New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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