So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
