he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
