If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
