I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
