i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
