That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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