I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize