dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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