Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The best revenge is premature balding
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
