you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
