nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
