At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
