I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
