He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
