I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
