the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
