I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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