How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
should my penis look like a turkey
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm having to shit out rocks
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize