He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
