I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
