i would punch a child for taco bell
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
