guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
