they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
