the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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