I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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