i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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