I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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