just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I want to be your penis for a week.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
