and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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