who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
